Following two very enjoyable but busy weeks in Bangkok and Chiang Mai, we fancied a week at the seaside. Plan A was to go to Ko Chang on the Gulf of Thailand. However, the Thais and the Cambodians were lobbing shells at each other across the border, which necessitated a re-think. Not that we believed we would really be in danger, but UK Foreign Office advice was to avoid the area so to go ahead would have invalidated our insurance. Where to go instead?

We plumped for Ko Lanta

At fairly short notice we swerved to Ko Lanta near Krabi on the Andaman coast. Predictably, the FO backtracked before we’d left London, but by that point it was too late to revert to Plan A. Cancellation of our Ko Chang accommodation and a late alternative booking cost us quite a lot but that’s the way it goes sometimes.

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So it was a taxi at 7:15 am on Tuesday 10 February to catch the Thai Airways morning departure to Bangkok, followed by Air Asia to Krabi. We arrived at 4 pm, then continued by pre-booked taxi and car ferry to Ko Lanta and our final destination. That took another two hours, so the sun was setting by the time we’d checked in to “Relax Bay”.

The most attractive resorts on Ko Lanta Yai are strung along Pra Ae (aka Long Beach). The naffly-named Relax Bay Resort is a small bay adjoining it. It’s about as low-key as you can get along the beach. We were accommodated in a hut, which was a lot better than it sounds. We had a large AC room with a terrific view from the decking through the trees to the shore.

The downside was being asked to pay over £900 in cash. We should have read the small print. The alternative was to pay by bank transfer but, for reasons I won’t go into, that wasn’t possible.

Several trips to the ATM later…

The breakfast buffet was excellent, so we decided to skip lunch. On the main road we found the 7 to Eleven mini-market (perpetually rammed) and Bonnie’s Deli, an upmarket source of European wines, gourmet foods and made-to-order sandwiches.

It was hot and humid, but the sea was a perfect temperature and never crowded. Upon investigating dining options along the bay, we were intrigued by Thai Breizh, an unusual (!) fusion restaurant along the beach, run by a guy from Saint-Malo.

We went that evening and it did not disappoint.

After a couple of days doing more or less nothing – apart from swimming, reading, watching the setting sun and drinking beer – we felt that we really ought to make an effort to get off the beach.

If only to another beach

So we signed up for a speedboat trip to Ko Phi Phi. A taxi took us from our hotel to the main port of Saladon.

After 40 minutes of hammering over a mercifully calm sea we reached Ko Phi Phi Leh for 30 minutes’ snorkelling. Then we put in at the harbour. For better or worse (and it was for worse) this uninhabited little island in a marine reserve has become known as a result of being chosen as the main location for the film adaptation of Alex Garland’s The Beach, starring Leonardo diCaprio – although the novel was set on the Gulf of Thailand rather than the Andaman Sea.

Maya Bay could have been described as “idyllic” at one time, but is now far from it. Perhaps 200 speedboats arrive per day, each one with 20 passengers. Day-trippers are shepherded from the landing stage to the bay by wardens equipped with whistles, and are not allowed to deviate from the boardwalk.

You are permitted to dip your toes in the water, but that is all (fair enough: there are breeding blacktip sharks in the area). It is far too busy for comfort. But it does make for a lovely selfie.

Next we sailed on to the main island of Ko Phi Phi Don, which was overrun and somewhat charmless. Note: in December 2004 a tsunami flattened every building on the island and killed 1,000 people. When the day-trippers depart it might be lovely, but I would not count on it. My advice would be: avoid.

Finally, a swim on Bamboo Island. But this turned into a farce, because we were all required to wear a life-jacket, in the calmest water you’ll ever come across. Have you ever tried to swim in a life-jacket? It is almost impossible. The sight of 100+ tourists paddling and bobbing about in orange life-jackets was bizarre.

A scene worthy of the late Martin Parr

We arrived back at our hotel in time to shower and change before nipping along to Lanta Marina for a sundowner, overlooking Long Beach. Perhaps the most satisfying part of the day.

And so to my birthday

My 71st birthday on Valentine’s Day; with two cards from Anne – thank you. A light breakfast and a coughing fit preceded the first swim of the day. I had resolved to do exactly what I wanted: in other words, not a lot. We walked up to Bonnie’s Deli and ordered a provolone and prosciutto sandwich to enjoy on our terrace with a bottle of well-chilled prosecco. And then some reading, a late afternoon swim and a siesta.

The evening’s cocktails were on the table when we were invaded by a swarm of flying ants. Our resident tokay gecko (a scary little devil that is more than happy to bite your finger and hang on) seemed to enjoy a feast, as he kept us awake with his chirping all bloody night.

But all in all, it was a relaxed and enjoyable birthday. I’ve had much worse. Added to which Tranmere finally won a game of football and Scotland thrashed England at rugby.

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The next morning we went down for a dip then took a taxi to the old town of Ban Si Raya. The hilly interior of the island, farmed mostly by Moslems, makes a refreshing contrast to the beaches.

Ban Si Raya’s charmingly tatty ethnographic museum is in a nicely restored colonial house. The main street runs parallel to the shore, with shop-houses on piers jutting into the sea. As usual, most businesses are run by ethnic Chinese. There isn’t a great deal to do, aside from strolling along the pier and choosing a bar or restaurant to while away the hours. We enjoyed an excellent meal at Old Town Seafood.

A couple of small ferries arrived at the pier while we were there. It seems we could have taken a boat across to a deserted island beach, had we known.

It was enjoyably low key

Back at Relax Bay, we sat on the terrace observing the wildlife. I realised that what I had taken for tiny birds were in fact flying dragon lizards gliding from tree to tree: something I had not seen before. Huge numbers of noisy cicadas moved around the wood. An Asian openbill stork lurked by the swimming pool.

Our resident gecko was heard but not seen.

Down on the beach we dined again at Breizh Thai. Craving some French cuisine I could not resist the magret de canard with red curry, which was very good. Anne chose chicken sate with a papaya salad. It was more than enough, so no dessert, thank you. While we ate, we watched an impressive fire show. There were moments which felt genuinely dangerous.

On our last full day the hot and sticky weather finally broke. We were under cover when the downpour came, after which it was cooler and fresher, if only for a few hours. We sipped our margaritas at Lanta Marina in the knowledge that we faced a tedious and energy-sapping journey home the following day.

A good thing came to an end

We took a last swim in the warm sea after breakfast. Then it was a taxi to the ferry and a drive to Krabi airport to catch the Air Asia flight to Bangkok Suvarnabhumi. We were left with over five hours to kick our heels before our night flight back to Gatwick.

Anne had the inspired idea of booking a two-hour slot at the Miracle Lounge for about 30 quid each. This gave us unlimited drinks and food from a very good buffet, and a comfortable place to rest and repack. We could have taken a shower if we’d felt the need.

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On our flight out I’d been seated next to a world champion fidgeter. This time it was a bloke with a cold. As he sneezed his way from Bangkok to London, I edged ever closer to Anne on my left until I was almost on top of her. We landed on time at 5:30 am and were home at 7:15 am. It was cold but at least it was not raining.

Would I go again?

I detest the long flight there and back. A friend suggested breaking the journey at somewhere like Dubai and getting a night’s sleep, which is worth considering.

I have no hesitation in recommending Chiang Mai and Ko Lanta, but if we go to Thailand again we’d make another attempt to get to Ko Chang, and have a look at Chiang Rai in the north and the ruins of Sukhothai. Another day in Bangkok would have given us time to see the old capital of Ayutthaya, so we could add that to the list.

Wherever you go you”d be unlucky not to have a good time in Thailand but do your research first because it’s changing fast.